Where is my mind? is what I seem to be asking myself, quite a lot now a days. I am here in this world physically but when it comes to being here mentally and emotionally, I can not seem to grasp the exact words for that description of mine. Ever since the last man I truly loved of course turned out to be a sham it still gets to me every once and a while but I hate to admit that I will always crave for love and attention, I am sure many females and males could relate to how I feel and that I am not the only one who does feel it but, sometimes it feels like I am the only one.
I will never understand where that strong urge of wanting a companion came from or how it even started, maybe it goes all the way back to how I always witnessed my father treating my mother, buying her roses every Valentines day, they never were apart and if they were at some point they would be texting each other almost as if they could not live without the other I presume. I look to them and with all my heart I want to fall in love with someone as my parents fell in love with each other and been together for 22 years and counting! thank God for all his blessings. When we are born we already had a set goals we must accomplish, learning to talk, learning to walk and learning to be independent and so forth, people apparently have everything figured out before you are even born but once everyone accomplishes those set goals, people are pushed out of the bird nest and is expected to fly but what if we fall and can not get back up? and it was to early to have left just yet, what do we do now? being so vulnerable and alone how can we possibility do it? maybe by remembering the support we had just before we got pushed out the nest, our mama did not expect us to fall but to fly. By remembering the love and support I have from my family, friends and God that’s been the only way I have made it this far, I keep telling myself I don’t need a man to make me happy but I wont lie having the attention of the man I want gives me such a rush makes me feel like I can do anything. I need to transform that energy I get from just a lover who makes me feel like I am on top of the world to I will always feel that even without a man, maybe that’s where my mind goes, off into a fantasy of a soulmate will rescue me from my sadness and we will live happily ever after just like my parents, but in reality I need to sweep myself off my feet and tell myself only I can rescue myself from myself.